I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do vagina's smell?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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