I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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