You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
