I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
