I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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