i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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