it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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