Sponge bath it is.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
