i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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