from now on my penis is your penis
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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