I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
