It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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