apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize