I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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