I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
