You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
