is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
