I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
