dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
