she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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