Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
