yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
