the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
