YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
