Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
