is your mom at the bar?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have aggressive nipples.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
