No awkward lesbian experiences without me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
