no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My vagina just recognized that song.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
