I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
