I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
