Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
