remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
