I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
