For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
