I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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