WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
