also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
