I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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