shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
