My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
