Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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