Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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