am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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