It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
