theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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