Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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