i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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