Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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