I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
