I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
