i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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