Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
