He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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