I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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