i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
