im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
