If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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