apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
