I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
