Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
