We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
