It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize