I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
