Define "chronic" masturbator.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
