Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize