oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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