I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
