Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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