I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
