U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
