ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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