I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
