You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
