Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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