batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
