i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
