Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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