Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We need a shit load of segways right now
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize