I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
me + whiskey = a bad person
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
