I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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