There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I need water and some morals
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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