My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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