remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize