Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize