I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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