Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
