it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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