He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
