thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
how do flat chested girls get laid?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
