Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
