do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
