do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
