Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
