just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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