I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
