I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize