Jerry, you need to find god
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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