ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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