Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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